The miracle of mayonnaise.

May the blessings of the Lord rest for all eternity as laurels upon the head of St. Julia forevermore.

I understand the Roman Catholic church requires two verified miracles for anyone to be declared a saint.

I humbly submit what may be the first miracle for consideration, on behalf of Ms. Julia Child.

I have made MAYONNAISE. Without her intercession, this miracle would have never been possible.

I have tried making mayonnaise -- or if you prefer, "Mahonnaise" -- at least a dozen times before. (See, I *do* know my food history). With a whisk and mixing bowl, with a hand-held blender, with a countertop blender, with a food processor, and with numerous different recipes. *None* have worked, 'til now. Substitute lime juice for lemon juice for this or that vinegar for whatever else curdling agent. Whatever. It has *never* worked out.

This time I hear the blender/food processor motor slowing down progressively and *know* it is a miracle. Emulsification happens.

Until I read her recipe for it in "The Way to Cook", I'd never achieved it. She's one step closer to sainthood, if you ask me.

This is a very basic sauce. So very much depends on it. It *shouldn't* be that hard. Now, after reading her 1989 tome, "The Way to Cook", I have finally managed it.

I didn't have the luxury of mixing oils. I don't have any olive oil. you see, so I had to use all peanut oil (unless I want to risk mixing in one or another toasted sesame oil). In a lesser cookbook such a minor substitution would doom me to complete failure. In her own, it winds up meaning just that I have to correct the seasonsing and texture. So what, the result tastes downright nutty. But it's MAYONNAISE. No denying that fact.

And it's MINE.

And it tastes NOTHING like what you buy off the shelf. NOTHING. I've got twelve ounces to play with for now, which is fine for using on sandwiches and stuff, and plan to whip up another batch soon, which I'll use in actual recipes. And once I've got it *down* I'll just multiply the recipe as needed.

In the meantime, if anyone finds themselves in need of miracle healings, I'm willing to sacrifice teaspoonfulls of my homemade mayonnaise for the purpose. While making no promises, I don't doubt it might cure the most intractable medical problems.

It *is* a *bit* thick. It *is* a *bit* underseasoned. But you know what? It *still* beats the ass out of the mass-manufactured, mass-marketed product masquerading as "mayonnaise". I'm free to change the recipe as suits the recipe I plan to use it in. And I know how to perfect it, too.

My next batch will be better.

Way better.

God damn, I love Julia Child.